Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
