Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
