She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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