i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
