There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
