it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My Sexting was not on an AP level
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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