the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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