Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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