We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How's work?
Spinning.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
