Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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