my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
