dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
