so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
