When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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