either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
