I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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