Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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