suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
