$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
