No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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