doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
