I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
