VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
