All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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