so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
