Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
