we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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