I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
