Define "chronic" masturbator.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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