my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
