i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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