Your mouth is God's brothel.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Acid is not a monday night drug
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
