Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
