Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
