please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
