is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
