Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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