I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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