So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
