I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
