Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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