I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
