Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
