I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
