I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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