I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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