Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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