So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
