There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize