is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
