Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
