you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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