So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my being single is dangerous.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
