so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
