Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
