Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
