whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
