yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
