he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
