he thought i was a dude.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
