I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
