omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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