The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize