Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
