Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
