You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
