all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
