he thought i was a dude.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
