There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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