i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
BRING THE BAGELS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
